Pre-Therapy Wrap-up

Over the past month, I have been writing about the effects my speech problem has on my life. As a result, I have given more thought to it, than in the previous 30 years combined.

When I started the blog, I thought starting a month in advance would be too much, but I started anyway with the fall back plan of commenting on stuttering FAQ questions, if I ran out of topics. I don’t know if I give my self too little credit for not trusting I could come up with enough topics, or too much credit in believing I would stop talking when appropriate. ;-)

I covered most of what I planned to. I did want to do a “day in the life” post, but my life doesn’t currently support such a post. I am working from home on one project, and when disciplined enough, may not leave the house for days. This would make for a very boring post, so I left it out. This might make for a very interesting article if another Person With a Stutter (PWS) did it.

Over the years my problem has changed physically, emotionally, with derivative behaviors, and how others react. But it hasn’t been all bad; for example, I no longer feel the gut wrenching stress of knowing I will need to speak while I wait in line at the coffee shop.

And last summer, I gave a speech at my buddy’s wedding. All the non-stutterers chickened out, and there was certainly no obligation for me to say anything, but I felt an internal obligation and refused to allow my problem to override it. If you’re interested, while the speech was good, the delivery was painful, but everybody laughed at my jokes and I got a few very positive comments afterwards. However, my wife and daughter, got to hear a not so nice remark from a lady at their table who didn’t recognize them as my family.

The one thing I really wanted to talk about is the derivative behaviors. I started to talk about this a few times, but when I started looking for a name for them, I would get bogged down reading while searching for it. Then I would abandon it. I still don’t know the real name, “derivative behaviors” is something I made up.

Basically, for me anyway, the derivative behaviors are HUGE. For me, these behaviors include, have included, but are not limited to; grimacing, facial ticks, foot stomping, head jerking, extreme facial gestures, painful facial gestures, speaking after my air has run out, punching my leg to shock my way out of a block, and terror or suffering in my eyes while speaking.

The derivative behaviors occurred initially with the false belief they would help me get through a block, but at the end of the day, they are 10 times worse then the stutter itself. Perhaps the derivatives are something I should concentrate on.

Anyway, I start therapy tomorrow, and am planning to blog about each day. My current schedule indicates late evening will be my most common post time.

Wish me luck

John

BTW-If you like my blog, please pass along the URL to anybody you think might also be interested. While I’m spending time doing this without expectation, it is pointless if nobody is reading it. Thanks.